Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Thursday, 7 July 2016
Friday, 10 October 2014
Forget women, even goats are not safe from Arabs
A visiting professor at Florida State University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One Arab student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The Arab replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost." The Arab replies, "Ghost? Damn, no..... From back there I thought you said ’goats’!"
To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One Arab student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The Arab replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost." The Arab replies, "Ghost? Damn, no..... From back there I thought you said ’goats’!"
Friday, 22 August 2014
Logical excuse to end up in bed
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman And she was upset.
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce right away ! And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began ..... 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.
'The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
That's how we ended up on bed....
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce right away ! And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began ..... 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.
'The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
That's how we ended up on bed....
Saturday, 9 August 2014
Tarzan and Jane
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him. During her questions about his life, she asked him how often he had sex and with whom?
'Tarzan not know sex,' he replied in his jungle English.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh.Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, revealing his manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel first."
'Tarzan not know sex,' he replied in his jungle English.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh.Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, revealing his manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel first."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)