Thursday, 28 August 2014
When two Punjabis argue
Punjabis are known for liberal use of profanities.
When two Punjabis argue, read what happens ....
When two Punjabis argue, read what happens ....
Friday, 22 August 2014
Logical excuse to end up in bed
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman And she was upset.
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce right away ! And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began ..... 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.
'The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
That's how we ended up on bed....
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce right away ! And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began ..... 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.
'The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
That's how we ended up on bed....
Beware of non-alcoholic, coffee drinking drivers
Beware of strictly non-alcoholic, coffee or tea or juice drinking drivers.
They cause havoc on Indian roads :P
They cause havoc on Indian roads :P
'Bride wanted' advertisement by a very demanding groom
A 50 yr old (5'4" height) non-matric resident of North 24-Parganas district in West Bengal is very demanding when it comes to searching for a bride for himself.
In the very first line of the advertisement in a Bengali newspaper, the wannabe groom claims that he has no demands and says that it's a golden opportunity for potential brides!
He wants the applicant to be fair, beautiful, beauty contest model (sic!), smart, expert in household chores, H.S passed, 25 - 35 yrs age bracket and belong to a particular caste.
The groom doesn't have his father and mother (whatever it means), but has an orphaned nephew (possibly grown-up) who also has to be looked after by the bride-to-be since there's nobody to care for him.
The lady has to contact herself through snail-mail and mention her mobile number while applying for a 'registry-marriage'.
In the very first line of the advertisement in a Bengali newspaper, the wannabe groom claims that he has no demands and says that it's a golden opportunity for potential brides!
He wants the applicant to be fair, beautiful, beauty contest model (sic!), smart, expert in household chores, H.S passed, 25 - 35 yrs age bracket and belong to a particular caste.
The groom doesn't have his father and mother (whatever it means), but has an orphaned nephew (possibly grown-up) who also has to be looked after by the bride-to-be since there's nobody to care for him.
The lady has to contact herself through snail-mail and mention her mobile number while applying for a 'registry-marriage'.
Double-decker in Maharashtratimes
Phenomenal penchant for 'Rotten English' by #MaharashtraTimesOnline. This piece of online Rotten English with terrible stink was spotted on 22nd August 2014.
Please stare at the screen-shot for some time and you might actually forget the correct spelling of the word 'double'.
These guys have repeatedly made a mess of the word 'double-decker' and even had the audacity of inserting a hashtag before the wrong spelling.
For all that you know, the journalist was educated from one of the hundreds of colleges in #OxfordOfTheEast, Pune.
Aren't the hallowed lot of offline or online news dissipating agencies supposed to dissipate content which educates the mass?
Will somebody be hauled up for spreading the #stink.
.jpg)
Please stare at the screen-shot for some time and you might actually forget the correct spelling of the word 'double'.
These guys have repeatedly made a mess of the word 'double-decker' and even had the audacity of inserting a hashtag before the wrong spelling.
For all that you know, the journalist was educated from one of the hundreds of colleges in #OxfordOfTheEast, Pune.
Aren't the hallowed lot of offline or online news dissipating agencies supposed to dissipate content which educates the mass?
Will somebody be hauled up for spreading the #stink.
.jpg)
Saturday, 16 August 2014
Hates Maths and Statistics, knows no English
The following is an actual Facebook comment by a MBA student in Pune.
Will somebody help me to understand her #RottenEnglish.
Anybody willing to offer her a job?
Will somebody help me to understand her #RottenEnglish.
Anybody willing to offer her a job?
Medical breakthrough in 'Knee joint X-ray'
Rarest of the rare medical breakthrough in 'Knee joint X-ray'.
We are thankful to Mr.Rajesh Mehta (Facebook @ rajkmehta) for sharing with us a copy of the X-ray plate.
We are thankful to Mr.Rajesh Mehta (Facebook @ rajkmehta) for sharing with us a copy of the X-ray plate.
Friday, 15 August 2014
Clean Ganga project
Mandakini, the actress of yesteryears and famous for her role in the Hindi Bollywood flick '
' is rumoured to head the Clean Ganga project team.
' is rumoured to head the Clean Ganga project team.
Saturday, 9 August 2014
In-prayer product positioning
A very senior marketing director of Nestle worlwide (of Nescafe fame) manages to have a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican with the active assistance of yours truly, the Marketingpundit.com.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nestle (Nescafe) official whispers, "Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'."
The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed".
"Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's Prayer to all Catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to Give us this day our daily coffee'."
Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord .............. but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some Good news", he announces.
He continues to a hushed assembly "And some bad news ...... the good news is, the Church will get $ 500 million".
"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"Sadly" says the Pope,
.
.
.
"We would have to lose the Britannia Account...... .............and take on with the Nestle!"
That's in-prayer product positioning.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nestle (Nescafe) official whispers, "Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'."
The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed".
"Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's Prayer to all Catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to Give us this day our daily coffee'."
Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord .............. but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some Good news", he announces.
He continues to a hushed assembly "And some bad news ...... the good news is, the Church will get $ 500 million".
"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"Sadly" says the Pope,
.
.
.
"We would have to lose the Britannia Account...... .............and take on with the Nestle!"
That's in-prayer product positioning.
Uttam - Suchitra happy to be no more
This is possibly the best poster which has immense relevance to the #LokSabhaElections2014.
My Bengali friends will have a hearty laugh.
P.S: I pity those who are missing out on the meaning.
Those who are interested in the hidden meaning, can respond as a comment. There will be too many people to convey the translated meaning.
Just #LaughAloud
My Bengali friends will have a hearty laugh.
P.S: I pity those who are missing out on the meaning.
Those who are interested in the hidden meaning, can respond as a comment. There will be too many people to convey the translated meaning.
Just #LaughAloud
Cell Phone etiquette
After a tiring day in office, a young commuter Manasi settled down in her seat for the long journey back home and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, Sawant, the short and bald elderly guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice ......
"Hi sweetheart, it's Sawant. I'm on the train." "Yes, I know it's eight-thirty and not four-thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with the lady from the 24 hrs news channel. It was with the Boss taking my pants off." "No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When young Manasi sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone ...... "Sawant, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Now, Sawant doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
As the train rolled out of the station, Sawant, the short and bald elderly guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice ......
"Hi sweetheart, it's Sawant. I'm on the train." "Yes, I know it's eight-thirty and not four-thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with the lady from the 24 hrs news channel. It was with the Boss taking my pants off." "No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When young Manasi sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone ...... "Sawant, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Now, Sawant doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
Short names of Indian politicians
A new trend of shortening names have begun in politics.
Narendra Modi is called "Namo" and Rahul Gandhi is called "RaGa".
Nearer home we have MamBa, PaCha, MaMi, MuRo, AmMi.
Harish Goyal and Mukesh Tomar have decided to quit politics fearing the inevitable.
Supriya Sule must be out of her wits!
#HowIndiaTravels #MarketingpunditDotCom
Narendra Modi is called "Namo" and Rahul Gandhi is called "RaGa".
Nearer home we have MamBa, PaCha, MaMi, MuRo, AmMi.
Harish Goyal and Mukesh Tomar have decided to quit politics fearing the inevitable.
Supriya Sule must be out of her wits!
#HowIndiaTravels #MarketingpunditDotCom
Why do lightning strike
Translated into English for my friends who would have missed out on the superbly creative answer of a school-going child.
Unfortunately, the teacher wasn't amused and awarded the child a 'duck' out of five.
Qtn: Why do lightning strike?
Ans: So that heroines can tightly hug their heroes!
Unfortunately, the teacher wasn't amused and awarded the child a 'duck' out of five.
Qtn: Why do lightning strike?
Ans: So that heroines can tightly hug their heroes!
Sitting rituals during marriage
Wife asks: "Why is it that in all marriages girl sits on left side and boy on right side?"
Husband replies: "According to profit and loss statement of accounts, all income is on the right side and expenses are on the left side"
Husband replies: "According to profit and loss statement of accounts, all income is on the right side and expenses are on the left side"
Fake Animals - Made and Sold in China
Even fake animals are made and sold in China.
To sell, the Chinese guys are going over-board to fake anything and everything.
To sell, the Chinese guys are going over-board to fake anything and everything.
RahulG decides to play chess with AliaB
The two most eligible and 'intelligent' citizens of India decides to play chess.
If RahulG & AliaB are India's youth icons, may the almighty save India. After all 70% of India's population is less than 30 yrs old.
RahulG, however, nearing/ past 45 is perceived to be a Farex drinking dumb baby by a large chunk of Indians.
If RahulG & AliaB are India's youth icons, may the almighty save India. After all 70% of India's population is less than 30 yrs old.
RahulG, however, nearing/ past 45 is perceived to be a Farex drinking dumb baby by a large chunk of Indians.
Tarzan and Jane
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him. During her questions about his life, she asked him how often he had sex and with whom?
'Tarzan not know sex,' he replied in his jungle English.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh.Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, revealing his manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel first."
'Tarzan not know sex,' he replied in his jungle English.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh.Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, revealing his manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel first."
Maid deserved a hike
Maid wanted a salary raise.
Madam wanted 3 reasons why she wanted a raise.
Maid: I can cook better than you?
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me!
Madam: Ok, second reason.
Maid: I can iron better than you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Madam: Ok, and the third reason?
Maid: I am also better in bed than you!
This time madam was furious and she was getting ready to break her head.
Madam: Did my husband say that?
Maid: No the driver told me that I'm better in bed than you.
Madam: Please lower your voice I will increase your salary.....
Madam wanted 3 reasons why she wanted a raise.
Maid: I can cook better than you?
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me!
Madam: Ok, second reason.
Maid: I can iron better than you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Madam: Ok, and the third reason?
Maid: I am also better in bed than you!
This time madam was furious and she was getting ready to break her head.
Madam: Did my husband say that?
Maid: No the driver told me that I'm better in bed than you.
Madam: Please lower your voice I will increase your salary.....
Bangla definition of Condom
Bengali teacher goes to a pharmacy to buy condoms. He asks for condoms by defining it in his rich knowledge of Bengali as a language.
I will not hazard a try to translate the above to English for my friends who do not read/ understand Bengali. Too bad, they are missing out on a million dollar piece of vocabulary.
I will not hazard a try to translate the above to English for my friends who do not read/ understand Bengali. Too bad, they are missing out on a million dollar piece of vocabulary.
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